One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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