you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
