she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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