Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
