I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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