i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
