Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
