kristin has been a bad kristin
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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