i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
