Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
All I want is dick and wine.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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