i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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