Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
