therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
