I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
