you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
