I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
