I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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