I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
