My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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