I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
