I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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