Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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