You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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