He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
