Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
