all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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