Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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