We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Randomize
