how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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