He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
