Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
