Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
