I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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