Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
