dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
