I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
This is the high leading the old right now
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
