we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
