I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Hippo gnu deer
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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