I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
