Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
