is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
