She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Mom said you looked used
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
