You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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