he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
