The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
In America we eat man semen.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
