and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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