that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
