I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize
