Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
