see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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