Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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