you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
