I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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