Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
