just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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