and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
