This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
