I'm gonna have a badass scar
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
