I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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