fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Randomize
