I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
