What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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