soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
