I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
As shirtless as possible
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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