I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
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