The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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