Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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