Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
She needs sedatives and a leash
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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