dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
