The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
