Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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