Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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