I skipped work to stalk him.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
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At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
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She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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