I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
