meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
