In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
