She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
