Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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