The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
