This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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