i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
